The last few weeks have been challenging for everyone, obviously. For me, I didn’t realize it at first, but all of this has been taking a toll on my levels of stress. I was feeling withdrawn, quiet, tired, angry, even. I didn’t feel like doing my usual daily rituals of mindfulness, tarot, praying, grounding work, energy work.. nothing. I just felt like I shouldn’t force it if I didn’t feel like it. I also felt kind of betrayed by what was happening around me despite all of my efforts of positivity, healing, and gratitude. I didn’t realize that I was maybe a little anxious. And that all this negative energy around all of us was taking a toll on me. In the past year I’ve worked so hard to learn how to be more at peace and virtually stress free. I’m happy and content at this stage in my life, and I’m grateful for this. Except now ad I am stressed I didn’t realize why I was feeling these feelings of withdrawal, isolation (even though its forced currently), and just shutting everything out, closing myself off to the people, spirits, and energies around me.
In the past week or so I’ve made a conscious effort to get back to my ‘normal’ self. Not forcing it, but doing the things I enjoy and talking to the people around me that love and support me. I understand that being positive and feeling positive will bring on more positivity around us.
The other night after I was feeling more like I got my spiritual groove back, I felt the need to go into this little trunk that I pulled down from my closet. I had it out in the living room for my wedding anniversary, its filled with wedding mementos so Ed and I looked at it on our anniversary. But on this night I went right in there and pulled out this white handkerchief I carried with me on my wedding day. It was my Nan’s so I sat down on the couch with her folded handkerchief pressed between my hands. I was just thinking of Nanny and what she would say to me if she was here. And in all honesty I was praying to her and speaking directly to her. Now if you know me more intimately, you would know that I speak directly and out loud to both of my grandparents on a daily basis. Every time Ed and I see a Robin Red Breast on our walks with Kylo we say ‘Hi poppy’ or call them ‘Poppies’ lol.. Robin Redbreasts have my grandpas energy, they stand there and look at me with their chests puffed out – confident in their stance and just proud. I usually see one or two at a time, or as I walk one will pop up and fly away and then another pops up and another, as I walk my path – guiding me. God bless Eddie for understanding that I’m not out of my mind. Which, I kind of am, but at least he accepts and understands this LOL.. ❤️❤️
Anyway, I’m praying to Nan with this handkerchief folded in my hands. I say “Nan, if everything is going to be okay show me a sign. If everything is going to be okay, show me a butterfly. If everything is going to be okay, please show me this butterfly so I know.” Even as I’m saying this I’m thinking in my head that it would be so cool to go outside tomorrow and see a butterfly fly by or something like that. So I say my piece and open my eyes. I just sit there on the couch by myself for a moment longer.. I open my hands and I’m looking at Nan’s folded handkerchief that I carried with me on my wedding day. I remember the drawer in her night table that she used to keep all of these handkerchiefs, with her little gloves, and change purses. We would pull them all out ever so often to just look at together. It made me think of all the precious times we shared together just hanging out and talking together.
I realize now that the handkerchief has been folded all of this time, so I unfold it ONCE and open it to, yes… wait for it… an embroidered butterfly.
I just sit there staring at it, like I can’t even believe that I’m seeing this right now. I got instant clarification that I still have these precious moments with her and that she’s here and that ‘everything will be ok’ because thats what I asked her so directly.
Everything is going to be okay.”
– Nan xoxo
Now you know I immediately called my Mom to tell her and you already know I have that handkerchief out and on my night table to remind me every morning that everything’s going to be okay. 💕
